Friday, April 14, 2006

Doubt.

Watch the video
Reflections on this semester in nursing school, specifically clinicals. There has been a lot of stuff going on in my life, causing some self-doubt. It has not been easy. I will be posting more on the subject. I am determined to make it through.

19 Comments:

Blogger The Dixie Nurse said...

I am totally feeling ya! I have a lot of issues going on now as well. I wish I were going to be done with the mobility program soon. Sigh.

10:20 PM  
Blogger leosrain said...

Well, I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I know that I have felt very similar many times along the way.

And now I'm going back to adult health after a year and a half of time away from med/surg units. I am panicking, I am scared. I don't know if I can do it...

But, I just have to keep going...and try my best.

And I know you will too.

What more can we ask of ourselves?

10:24 PM  
Blogger Anthony said...

Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.
I thought about some quotes that I like and thought you might appreciate them. I hope you don't mind me sending them to you.
Here they go:
"Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing."
-- H. Stanley Judd

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

I said a prayer for ya and I am rooting for you, be the best nurse you can be, you can do it!!

11:42 PM  
Blogger Markus Sandy said...

That was a powerful post Monika. Thanks for sharing this.

11:53 PM  
Blogger ~~ Melissa said...

As I watched I wondered, what exactly is the struggle? What is lacking that needs attention? Knowledge, assessment, skill, technique....? Do you have good supervisors/mentors giving you feedback?

Best wishes.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Tiesha said...

I've been a nurse for 10 years and after watching your video, I remembered like it was yesterday, feeling the same way. I felt that way again after getting a job after graduation. Trust me when I say this. It will get better. You'll get through it, believe me! Are you taking the summer off? How far along are you?
Hang in there!

8:35 AM  
Blogger Nurse2B said...

Thanks for all the feedback. To clarify a little, I do have great instructors and they are incredibly supportive. I guess the issue is there have been times earlier in the semester, particularly in med-surg, where I radiated anxiety. Just oozed it out all over the place. I knew what I had to do and how to do it, but I was just overwhelmed by my nerves. It is getting better. But what scares me about that is that could just be a temperament thing that is not fixable. If I can't get past that it doesn't matter what I know - I will not be able to be a safe and effective nurse. I believe the problem was excacerbated by the fact that I had a lot of illness crop up in my immediate family this semester and I was just trying to handle everything. I have begun to address that. I wanted to get these feelings out in a vlog but it was really hard for me to do it. I believe to honestly document the whole process, I have to talk about the bad feelings too. I just find it difficult sometimes.

8:53 AM  
Blogger SVN, prn said...

Along the same lines as Anthony I will offer you my very favorite quote. I refer to it often in relation to school.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

--Eleanor Roosevelt

M, you are in my prayers and thoughts.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Monika,

It's normal to radiate anxiety. For me, it was eight weeks before I graduated and couldn't face an ICU without getting nauseated.

The only reason I didn't quit was that my mother yelled at me to at least get the degree no matter what I decided to do! I kid you not.

Every single nursing student goes through this at one point in their schooling. You will get past it.

You said two things that struck me. One, your focus was on your patients. You connected with your patients. Two, you said that some parts of nursing are not innate. You are so right - we aren't born nurses, even if you feel, as I do, that it is a "calling", you still have to go through the learning process.

And nursing school is no picnic. You have to "prove" yourself constantly.

After about your first year as an RN, this will all seem like a learning experience, and you will gravitate to those areas where you DO feel an "innate" connection.

Don't quit. And don't get discouraged. This profession needs you and people like you.

You WILL make it.

5:21 AM  
Blogger kimberly said...

I have heard (to some degree) that school is a place where you get your license to then learn how it is "really" done...like a pass to the next level. With any learning and growing there is pain. You must be growing a LOT! LOL! But, it is all temporary...light at the end of the tunnel...press onward (because if you are not moving forward you are moving backward!)

5:59 AM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh, Monica. It IS that simple. You work hard, you barrel through this, you WILL "get" it. By this I mean "you will pass". More info will stick to you than you think. Passing is all you have to do in nursing school. The "innate" stuff you speak about--the connecting with the pts, your focus is on your pts--THAT'S the part that most nursing students DON'T actually get! You've already "got" the most important part about nursing! I was a nervous wreck in nursing school. My hands shook for every procedure, I stared at simple multiplication problems like a 3rd grader during med calculations when put on the spot, I couldn't make a bed. I was a mess. It was the most stressful, anxierty ridden year of my life. I felt like a complete failure. I thought that there was no way I couldn possible be cut out for it and I didn't know what to do about it.

I finished. I got a job, and then the real learning began.

Life has heaped all this extra life-stuff on top of all this school stress. I'm awfully sorry about that. But I have no doubt that you will get through this. You've made it this far. You'll make it through the clinicals you aren't crazy about, and you'll sail through the ones that turn you on.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Nurse2B said...

Thanks to you all for the incredible words of wisdom and support. Don't worry, quitting is not an option so I will press on. Your encouragement is a wonderful gift. It helps to know I am not the only one whose hands shake!

Love the quotes, too!

5:27 PM  
Blogger dog food sugar said...

I think I feel a similar disposition. The demands of school are enough on their own. It's so hard for me to balance the rest of my life living on outside of school too. Friends and family that I want to give time to.... it's so hard.

I'm so so sorry you're having a rough time. I hope it helps to know others feel similar. Your post helped me in that way.

It's almost over for the term. Then we'll get a little break to gather strength. Hang in there!

Best of luck to you!

4:39 PM  
Blogger Birdy said...

Nursing school is hard in so many ways. It is completely different from any other field's educational process. I think there is a vast nursing instructor conspiracy in which they strive to make each of us doubt our commitment to nursing for at least a semester :). These trials really will make us better nurses.

1:45 AM  
Blogger Tiesha said...

I really love your blog and I appreciate your comments on mine. I added your link to my blog. Hope things are better.

1:54 PM  
Blogger overactive-imagination said...

You can do it Monica!! I believe in you. I haven't found myself in your position yet so I don't mean to trivialize it by saying....it's the things that we work the hardest at that we seem to enjoy the most in the longrun. It's tough.....but you'll do it. I've felt your compassion and drive for nursing through your blog. Keep your chin up and keep on trucking!
Dawn

10:31 PM  
Blogger Goepp-Watch said...

You may find this blog interesting. It child health and medical related info, and maybe a great resource for you as you venture into your new career. Check it out and let me know what you think. Thanks.

1:32 PM  
Blogger Third Degree Nurse said...

Hon, you are singing my song.

I -- who have dealt with more of life's shit on camera and off camera in my previous career -- was told that I need to start faking some confidence.

By God, today I did. Nothing like trying to stick a 92 year old with an IV or shoving an NG tube down a resistant patient to give you opportunity.

I feel a post coming on.

hang in there, hon. You are going to be a "samarai nurse" -- a great healer. Keep wading through it all.

And best wishes to hubby for a speedy recovery. I just saw your vlog last night.

8:46 PM  
Blogger midnightbunny said...

I think you have what it takes to do it. I really do. You have been such a great inspiration to me with my own medical/health care career field endeavors, so please don't give up. I took two semesters off (this past spring/summer) from a program I am currently in (masters degree in publich health/ epidemiology/biostatistics concentration), and at times I have regrets. I'm glad to be going back this upcoming fall semester, but when I think about the possibility of quitting altogether, I say to myself "NEVER ... I've come to far to give up now." ... and I feel that way about it for you as well.

Please know that your posts and comments about your path on becoming a nurse, have really motivated me along the way in my own endeavors.

*Best wishes always*

4:10 PM  

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